SHARING PERSPECTIVES WITH RESPECTFUL DIALOG

There are some who refuse to think..
they just rearrange their prejudices.

--Dr. Robert Anthony



In our work as group leaders, life coaches and public speakers David and I have often been told that we should not discuss topics of religion and spirituality because someone might take offense. That has not been our experience. We have found that people with open hearts and minds can freely discuss most anything.

Our approach involves something we call "respectful dialog." This method involves attentive listening and hearing different points of view. It requires understanding and acceptance...even when there is disagreement about the validity of any position.

Respectful dialog is not about polarization through black/white/right/wrong thinking. It looks for common ground. Even when there does not appear to be any; there is a willingness to accept that people have a right to their opinions, choices and lifestyles...whether anyone else agrees or not.

Humanity is blessed in that we all have the opportunity to choose our path, grow our souls and learn life lessons...through the choices we make. It is accepted that none of us have control over much of what occurs through this journey called life. However, we all have absolute control over how we choose to respond to any of life's events. In our view...the cause and effect of every thought and action has a ripple or "butterfly" effect. That is why we consistently suggest that every point of view has merit. That way differences they do not have to create discord.

Challenges in communication arise when others are pointing fingers and saying their way is the best and only way. Be in knowing God, being the chosen ones...or everyday lifestyles. Our question always is...who are we to judge? Are we qualified to cast stones? Whenever anyone openly explores religious beliefs and doctrines from a wide variety of sources the common teaching among all of them is love.

Loving behaviors towards others do not include judgments, condemnations, superiority, bigotry, pride, control and belittling. Those who keep their heart-minds open have more compassion and respect for differences. With love as a core belief they allow others to create life as they see fit...without demeaning the path they are on.

In our view...we are from One Source and come into life to learn, grow and change. Often those changes come about after we've made some less than discerning choices and had to account for them. Perceptions about "truth" are in reality...just that. Perceptions based on teaching passed down by others and eventually integrated as one's own. Even when perception becomes one reality and form of truth...there is no saying that it actually is...even though many claim otherwise.

Opening up to hear a variety of views and using basic critical thinking skills is a good way avoid becoming stuck and self-righteous. As we have often said before...with enough love and unity we could resolve all the problems humanity is facing. Those who kill, plunder, create hate and fear in the name of any God will invariably create polarity with those who are examples of love, compassion and faith. I think many agree that life would be a lot less complicated if we could all focus on causing harm to none and building consensus rather than diverseness.

The spiritual perspectives we will be offering here are ones based an abiding respect for the opinions of others...whether we agree or disagree. Comments and feedback are always welcome...all we ask is that exchanges be conducted in a spirit of...respectful dialog.

Warm regards,
Coralie and David

CHASMS AND HOW THEY DIVIDE BE IT RELIGION, SPIRITUALITY, ATHEISM, AGNOSTICISM...OR ANYTHING ELSE

By Coralie Darsey-Malloy

My religion consists of a humble admiration Of the illimitable superior spirit Who is revealed in the slight details We are able to perceive With our frail and feeble mind.

--Albert Einstein

After being an active member on Mylot and observing countless discussions on all of the above I made a clear unambiguous and unequivocal decision not to take specific stand on any of the above.

My many years in the media as a producer, talk show host and journalist taught me to focus on ‘belief-proof’ issues rather than trying to bridge "The Chasm." This big "C" includes beliefs about the ‘Big Source’ and what is behind it? Or how does ‘He/She’ interact with human beings? Were we created…or did we evolve? The earth is how many years old? Say again? Really? I think you know where I’m coming from here.

Now it is not that I do not have opinions about all of the above…because I do. However, what I believe does not have any real relevance to many of the principles I write or comment on. Within my training in the media I learned the best approach is to not confirm, endorse or support any point of view. By choosing to observe from a neutral perspective there is a ‘judge not…lest you be judged’ theme that is immensely freeing.

With this approach my goal is to create an environment for respectful dialogue and accept differences whether we agree or not. When I talk about “the chasm’ it can be any size. For some it is a small crack. For others with extreme to fundamentalist beliefs the chasm is impossible to bridge. I find it easier and less aggravating to allow the contents of other people’s chasms to remain with them and whomever or whatever is contained within it.

This approach creates a discussion forum where individuals are not required to modify their Chasms before sorting out the rest of their lives. Experience has shown that exploration and being open enough to work through the limitations of constricting belief systems opens the way for more honoring conversations. From this place reevaluating long held belief systems is less threatening and more productive.

Having said this I understand my perspective may pose a problem for those who have intense feelings about things they disagree with. Then there are others who will be equally troubled when their powerful convictions do not align with those who are likewise invested. This is where polarized and mind sets often create conflict. Participating in arguments on either side and listening to how people try to win others to their side hold no appeal for me whatsoever.

Now I have been around the sun long enough to know that some who read about my observer position might take issue with it. Some might refuse to read anything written or presented by anyone not categorically and emphatically embracing their views of God and religion. Within an opposite extreme some could be turned off by the idea that I do believe in a Creator or Source who might be androgynous, male or female.

In every area of our work the goal is to give people the freedom to believe whatever they choose. We offer techniques that help believers and doubters…and everyone in between to live happier, healthier, more balanced and abundant lives. The biggest challenge in presenting ideas is to separate techniques that work regardless of belief or disbelief. Organized schools of thought whether religious, scientific, political, medical can prevent people from thinking outside the box.

As communicators we provide critical thinking tools…and just ask people to think! It is clear that some scientific discoveries are difficult for religious organizations to accept…and mystical techniques are often rejected within scientific communities. In our many years of experience we ask people to be emotionally mature enough to set aside the source, history and trappings of beliefs, techniques, ideologies, paradigms and begin to ask a few simple questions. Such as:
Do they work? Are they producing the intended or desired results? Are existing attitudes, beliefs, behaviors and dictates really giving you what you want and need?

No one can change anyone until they are aware there is a problem…so all change begins with awareness. Getting into heavy debates and trying to win others over to one way of thinking or another is what continues to create conflicts in every form of human communication. Polarities exist from the one on one ‘in your face debates’ to countries fighting over their right to kill in the name of God.

Changes come when people begin to have the courage to think differently and seek harmonious resolutions. From my perspective I choose to think that if enough people began to communicate in non aggressive ways we could reach a point where there actually could be an end to war. It builds as one does it, then another…and eventually critical mass is achieved. Even if one person with a conscience can begin creating a ripple effect it could become a majority through what is called the collective consciousness.

So with harmonious, respectful dialogue as a goal I honor your right to think and be who you are and ask you do the same for me. After listening to conversations and debates from individuals who are trapped in years of conditioned thinking I prefer to be less concerned where ideas come from…but where they might be taking us. Robert Frost stated my perspective in one eloquent statement…Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.

SUICIDE AND HOW EACH ONE AFFECTS THE ONE-SONG OF HUMANITY

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

Is death the final sleep?
No, it is the final awakening.

---Scott

For those who do not already now I am an avid and active member of the discussion forum Mylot. I value my connection with the many like-minded others I have discovered there… and truly feel blessed to have been so warmly welcomed by everyone since joining Mylot Land in May of 2007.

Becoming a member of Mylot truly reveled to me how true the statement that every person is a unique chord in the One Song of our humanity. When they leave, especially through an act of suicide…our Song suddenly feels flat and out of tune. That was the effect that the sudden departure of a personal friend and valued Mylot member. Tammy Moir was the gal who encouraged me to become a Mylotter. I resisted for two months…then one day after sharing some gal pal time over lunch she convinced me to log and join…and I did with some reservation. Without any previous experience with on-line discussion forums I could not conceive why anyone would want to talk to people they don't know. Well…was my mind changed in a hurry! I quickly began posting discussions and visiting member’s sites and responding there. In n time at all I made new friends, learned about lifestyles, cultures, religious/spiritual beliefs and developing meaningful connections. Within a few short days my 'lens on life' opened to reveal a panoramic view of the people behind their monitors. I saw see with even greater clarity than before; that within our humanity we truly are connected as unique chords within this One Song we call life.

My Mylotting experiences were going well. I was having a great time and feeling grateful that Tams had nudged me to the point that I agreed to becoming a member of Mylot. She and her hubby were hit with a number of personal and financial setbacks but to the best of every one’s understanding they were making progress. She kept the Mylot community informed about her ups and downs and it appeared that they were holding their own and starting to gain some ground.

Then the unthinkable occurred! After sharing our morning coffee and relaxing on an ordinary day in mid-August…a mutual friend called David and asked if we were sitting down. After saying yes she proceeded to announce that that Rob’s mom had found a suicide note at Tammy and Rob's back door with instructions where to find them. To all our shock and dismay Rob's Mom discovered their bodies in the garage. They had used the exhaust from a vehicle to take their own lives.

It is one of those moments in life where disbelief rocks reality and everything is suddenly out of focus in a surreal way. Two middle aged people had chosen to leave the life they shared with friends; family and their whole community and no one saw it coming. When I posted news of their passing I did not say it was suicide and would not have…if Tammy had not let others within her on-line community by posting her intention to them. Once I knew she was fine with others knowing I felt it would not breach their trust…or privacy to honor their lives and their passing in open dialog rather than leaving in shrouded in mystery and uncertainly. In my association with Tammy and her husband they had felt emotionally isolated and misunderstood for awhile. Obviously their choice to end their lives came was predicated on a belief that there were no other options available.

In the two weeks after their death an prior to the funeral people in our community struggled to match our beliefs that as long as their is a breath there is hope with the finality of their passing. When we David and I attended their service we found it disillusioning. Had Tammy and Rob not written their own eulogies and had had his brother read them there would have been no mention of their lives, who they touched, what they loved…what mattered…and what made us love them. The minister did not acknowledge them as people but chose to deliver a lengthy sermon in veiled disapproval. He used their memorial service as an opportunity to 'guilt' attendees who were not converted and strongly recommended everyone to accept Jesus as a personal Savior rather than risk going to hell. then it was over.

As David and I left the funeral home we touched their coffins, and gently put our hands on a large picture of Tammy and Rob smiling. We took a few moments to view a small digital show within a picture frame showing them in happier times and said our silent good-byes to them and the bond we had. As we walked out to an appropriately cloudy day we hugged their family members and offered our sincere condolences and headed to our car. While on the drive to a fellowship gathering after the burial we chatted about the service and the impact it had on us.

Now as many of you have probably gathered on and off line discussions and those who know David and me in person…we have a spiritual framework…but not a religious one for a variety of reasons I will not go into here. However, the idea of suicide does give most of us reason to pause…at least that is the general feeling of those who know the truth of their circumstances. The pastor said they were ‘wrong’ to do what they did…but would still be welcomed into the family of God…because they had been ‘born again.’ He also said that ANYONE, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE will also be welcomed ‘home’ if they have converted to Christian belief and accepted Jesus as their personal savior. The incongruousness within his mixed messages are there for others to interpret.

For now I simply felt the need to remind anyone who reads this…that at any point along our soul path there are some key points to consider. In my view this fits throughout life or within the transitional process of what we call death. Throughout this journey we are given free will…within a relationship with God…or for atheists and agnostic…as a basic human right. So how we choose to live or and die is …in affected by the choices we make. Now that leads to the next aspect of choice…there are consequences to everything we think, say and do and once that is accepted and understood it becomes easier to live an self-accountable ways.

So where does that leave us when applying basic life laws to the question of suicide? I am still working on it…because whatever we decide…it is, in the end only conjecture. Let’s be real here… no one can truly say they ‘know’ for sure what happens after death…or by the act of snuffing our lives out. This statement is in no way meant to challenge anyone’s faith based beliefs. Growing up my consciousness was immersed in theological studies. My family belonged to Anglican and United churches and we lived in a predominantly Catholic community. So I can banter scripture around with the best of them…and absolutely ‘get’ that the ‘knowing’ comes from faith based beliefs…so we don’t need to go there. I understand those views…and honor anyone’s right to embrace them.

However faith…is still that…we hope and want to believe what we think is true. But a minister at one of the churches I attended put it into perspective for me when he said; "I choose to believe this way because it supports me through life. Others need to decide what works for them. If the way I think about the afterlife is true it will be wonderful. If there is nothing beyond this…it won’t matter because I won't know anything!" From my perspective…these are very wise words, from a loving, caring, honoring and very religious man.

So needless to say my ‘thinker’ worked overtime after Tam and Rob exercised their choice-making to end their lives . I keep mulling around their right of free will in relation to the consequence of choice. What I offer here is how David and I decided to honor their lives...and their death in a way that gives closure for us. One thing is for sure we will never judge their actions…because within our spiritual framework it is not our place to judge another’s soul path. Secondly we loved them…and love does not die because people do things we may not understand or agree with. So we will honor their lives…and the special times we shared.

All four of us all love wolves and we added to each other's collectible. Sometimes in quiet moments I envision them as free spirits running with the wolves, Unfettered and unencumbered from earthly struggles until they are given understanding about where they go from here…and there. Within our circle of friends on-line and off it appears that most have arrived at a similar place of honor. It seems that many believe that the Source we are a part of will understand that their suffering was too much to bear and they had a greater need to drift ‘home’ and find the love and light they were not feeling here.

Having said that I cannot help but question what sort of ‘consequence’ there might be for not completing their life lessons and discarding the gift that life actually is. Does either David or I think they will be condemned to burn in hell? Absolutely not! Our view of Source is…love and light...and within that embrace there is no condemnation. However, the call to accountability…hmmmm that poses another side to the question for me. I see us as spiritual beings that go through human experiences and energy is neither created nor destroyed but it does transcend. We also believe in the theory of reincarnation…but that will come in another blog. Do not want to veer off here.

Anyway as I begin to wind down this post…David and I choose to believe Tammy and Rob will have a lot of spiritual support from loved ones, teachers, masters and healers on the other side. It is my view that they will help them assess, understand and integrate the choices they made. They will undoubtedly need assistance in helping them forgive others and themselves for suffering all experienced through this tragic event.

In the note Tammy left to her on-line friend she admitted to crying all day while preparing their eulogies and writing goodbye notes. She was fully aware that many would be hurt by their decision to leave the way they did. Ironically, wisdom, understanding and spiritual insight often comes more quickly through errors in judgment…than through the ones we get right the first time.

So within our belief system and the theory of reincarnation life continues from here to infinity. With this view there is plenty of time to transform our past transgressions and learn the lessons we need to grow our soul and move on. I believe their ‘consequences’ will eventually give Tammy and Rob much needed insight, emotional maturity and spiritual enlightenment. If and when they do come back to this plane again or go forward to other levels beyond this one…they will have learned much…and therefore nothing will have been in vain.

In my view death is always an opportunity for growth and I posted a perspective on that as well. Our friends touched many lives in a variety of ways…and each of us can take something from both the way they lived their lives and how they died. That was evident by the outpouring of care and compassion from Mylotters who had never had any contact with Tammy on her site. Those responses reminded me again…that we truly are part of a greater energetic One Song and very person has a beautiful chord and a unique imprint.

Whenever any chord is extinguished for any reason…but especially by choice…we weep and grieve. Their departure leaves the orchestra without valued players. There is an unspoken understanding that no one will ever replace them and the music stops for awhile. Then, as we slowly begin to accept and integrate the loss we eventually pick ourselves up and do our best to re-calibrate. Through time everyone eventually finds new ways to sing new songs of life and celebrate the beauty within our interconnectedness.

As I was preparing to post this blog someone forwarded me a link to a very inspirational site and I have included here. While watching it I was moved to tears because it confirmed much of what I had just written. Within what I call a ‘God Whispering’ moment. The synergy of finishing up my closing comments on Tammy and Rob's leaving and the loving message within the Interview With God site was very affirming. It was as though Spirit gently whispered... Tammy and Rob are in a safe, loving place…and all is well in their world…and ours. I

breathed a deep sigh of relief and had a sense of gratitude for answered prayers. If you choose to you watch this I hope you do so with my deepest gratitude...and especially the many Mylot members who added their sincere condolences and healing energetic support to David and I, Tammy and Rob and their families. Many of you did not know us prior to this event...but felt loss within our One Song. The link below is a wonderful affirmation of this truism and I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. Here it is...An interview with God:

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com

DEATH AS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH

DEATH AS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

To die is to go into the Collective Unconscious,
to lose oneself...in order to be transformed,
into form...pure form.

--Hermann Hesse

During the last week my husband and I received the news that a friend and her husband chose to leave this plane and move on to the next. Our small rural community and some Mylot members within my circle of friends have been discussing the events and drawing our own conclusions. The news of their passing has been less distressing for David and me for a number of reasons. The first and most significant is our spiritual beliefs and energy-based thinking. Secondly, we have been trained to accept life and death as two sides of the same coin. Thirdly, within our Source-centered views we accept that Creator gave us the right of free will and within that right comes a willingness to honor whatever we choose...as long as we learn and accept the consequences. In our view of life.. is all about learning experiential lessons, knowing God and advancing our soul growth through enlightenment. Those co-factors have created an acceptance and understanding of why our friends chose to leave and we honor their decision to go 'home' together.

With our understanding of physics and metaphysics we absolutely accept that energy can never die. It may be transformed into something else...but is rather like love to me...it goes on beyond the appearance of our material world. Each time someone close to me dies it underscores what I know to be true for me...that death is an opportunity for growth..if we allow ourselves to see that. When I decided to post this topic on my Blog I went to a quotation by Muriel Spark that I have as a reminder to stay present, mindful and in a moment-by-moment appreciation for the gift of life. The fact that Tammy and Rob could not align their thinking to this way of being has served as yet another reminder of these eloquent words and philosophical thought.

If I had my life over again I should form the habit of nightly composing myself to thoughts of death. I would practice, as it were, the remembrance of death. There is no other practice which so intensifies life. Death, when it approaches, ought not take one by surprise. It should be part of the full expectancy of life. Without on ever-present sense of death life is insipid. You might as well live on the whites of eggs.

Many say they accept that death and taxes are the only 'for sures' in life...but how many really integrate that reality into their daily meditative practices? Being mindful, thoughtful and present is a place that one needs to work at...especially within the mind-numbing onslaught of sensory overload that bombards us within society today. So I am not going to say that I have this mastered...but I do keep working at it because I have come to accept that death is a constant reminder to celebrate life...and love each other in everything we say and do. If we keep the idea that death can come in sudden and unexpected ways there is less tendency to sweat all the small stuff and develop an attitude of gratitude about what IS working instead of focusing on all the dis satisfactions that make life feel miserable and very unfulfilled.

That is the legacy that Tammy and Rob left for David and I...be present. clear up the baggage from the past, accept what cannot be changed....change what can and live your best life while you can....because no one knows when it will end.

IS IT GOD OR HUMANKIND THAT CONDEMS PEOPLE TO HELL?

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

God enters by a private door into every individual.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

This blog is an adaptation of a response I made to someone on Mylot who was told that they would go to hell because they did not accept Jesus and Christian doctrine. The person lives in Thailand and with only a small percentage of their population being Christian. They were dismayed to think that a supposedly loving God would spend sixty million people to hell.

I am always amazed when I hear things like this. For whatever my opinion is worth I do not believe that the Creator I know and love will condemn human beings to hell because they exercise their right of free will to be Christians...or not. If the One who spun beings from His/Her great Being did not want us to explore...to learn, to agree, to disagree we would never have been given the right to choose our soul path and learn from the choices we make.

My question to those who rant that a portion of God's 'children' are going to hell for not following their dogma...is this..."Why would anyone want to worship a God that is so judgmental and...Unloving?" It is, if you stop and think about, rather illogical. If this Supreme Being creates us...gives us the right to choose...and then say..."Bad, very bad!" All because you exercise that God-given right. HUH? Say again? Who on earth in their right mind says...worship this God...in this way only...or you will be condemned to hell? Nice message eh? Really draws you into the light...or does it?

Anyone who studies Christianity...(and I was raised with that doctrine)...knows the basic tenements that Jesus taught was...first and foremost to not judge. Equally important is to love, honor and respect each other. His great commandment and the one that is bigger than all others is to; "Treat each other as we'd like to be treated...the Golden Rule."

As an emissary of love, light and forgiveness those who teach anything different are not honoring Jesus’ message. Who on earth wants to be treated like a sinner because they are not walking the same path as the one who 'dictates?' To me love is the common thread in any religion. If the person touting ideologies does not deliver a theological perspective of love, compassion, forgiveness, respect, understanding, assisting those in need, way-showing with love, honor, respect...then it is not a message based on Source-centered awareness.

So..in my view HOW we live our lives is far more important than whatever religious doctrine we follow. Once again, have the right of free will to exercise it...and choose. It is through choice-making that we eventually grasp that there choices have consequences. As we learn to love with greater acceptance and accountability we usually become more enlightened. If this Law of Reciprocity had not been set up...then how else could we learn?

Perhaps is we could all 'get over ourselves' and become less judgmental and more loving all our human rights concerns could eventually be resolved. Sadly, that won't happen as long as extreme fundamentalists con volute a message of love to one of bigotry and arrogance to make themselves right and others wrong. Judgments polarize...love and acceptance of differences brings unity.

To me love is the force that brings unity, wisdom, enlightenment and the way to advance us along our soul path. It is the one force that has the power to turn enemies into friends. If we strive to emulate teachings of love...then everything else will follow...eventually. To me there is a Still Small Voice within all of us...and that is the place where true wisdom and spiritual Knowing resides.

Our challenge is to find a way to access that inner dynamic and trust what we are given. In quietness and confidence there is strength. From there who we are and what we are meant to do will be revealed. The clarity and guidance we seek is there...and from that place we can walk in true self-worth that allows us to withstand the rejection of our ideas by others. Good luck with this perplexing challenge. It is one most of us have faced at one point or another along the discovery trails called life.

Wishing you light filled blessings as you discover your truth and live it.